Trust

Friendship. What a complex word. Everyone thinks it to be so simple and beautiful, but what if you have issues trusting people because you have no reason to do otherwise? I struggle with this. A LOT.

Then I moved to the great state of Iowa. I was put in a brand new and totally foreign environment, and life propelled me to take the step I have always had difficulty with-letting trust diffuse in my relationships with others. I thought I was taking a step in the right direction, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I was right all along. I am my own best friend, I am content being there for myself whenever I am suspicious about life.

I was thrown into uncertainty. I have always been such a confident and independent woman, and uncertainty is not something I am used to coping with. Starting over in almost every aspect of my life has thrown me for a loop. My confidence and independence has taken a new face-one that I did not know existed. I am more vulnerable now then I ever have been. Starting over forced me to rely on others. Yikes! Now I'm freaking out because I'm realizing how important it is for someone like me to be skeptical when trusting others. I always tend to get hurt along the road....

I have to become someone I love to spend time with.

I need to be the first person to tell myself "everything will be okay."

I have to become someone I love to hang out with on Saturday night when everyone goes out.

I have to learn to celebrate my happy moments with my own smile.

I have to learn to give myself an even bigger smile when life takes a downward spiral.

I have to learn to shower myself with love.

I have to forgive myself for not being perfect when I really want to be.

I have to be my biggest supporter.

I have to forgive myself for receiving hurt.

I have to forgive myself for my past mistakes and the ones to come.

I have to learn to be grateful for my challenges and notice where they take me.

I have to learn to love myself.

So if I am so content with myself now, then why am I still stressed, upset, sad, and angry with the world? Did I learn to trust too quickly? Where did I go wrong?

Maybe this is just part of becoming an adult. You get catapulted into this war zone and you have to pay more attention to what's around you because every second of your life brings change. Change that I thought was invisible until now....