For you, Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

Do you know how much I love you? Do you? Do you know how much I appreciate you? Do you?

Do you know how much I miss you? Do you?

Let me try to convey even a fraction of how much.

Mom-

How did you go to school while having 3 kids in car seats at the same time? How in the world did you maintain sanity for that period of time? I commend you, you crazy woman. I remember when I was little dad would mow the lawn horizontally and you didn't like that. So you would get out there and mow it diagonally because it looked nicer. I wanted to be like you so once I hit fourth grade and got to mow the lawn for the first time, I mowed diagonally. You know how you can fold your ear in because all of your cartilage wore out when you were growing up? Yeah well I used to sit in class and try so hard to wear out my cartilage so I could fold my ear in just like you. I can't tell you how many times I remember hearing "you are just like your mother" whenever I would open up my mouth and talk someone's ear off at church. I remember when you tried to get Jill, Jake, and I so excited about the "new" cadillac you and dad brought home to replace the blue one. I remember when I used to help you with the nursery even when I was probably too young to be watching the kids. You always let me do the things I was not yet old enough to do, but you knew I was mature enough to handle them. That really taught me how to handle tough decisions mom. And we both know, I have had to make some tough decisions in over the past 19 years. The way you trusted me and built me up ever since I was old enough to walk and talk helped me make the right decisions when life was grabbing me by the throat. I made my fair share of stupid decisions as well. But you didn't love me any less. You understood that I had to make mistakes in order to learn. High school was rough. We were not very easy on each other. I am so sorry for that. No matter how hard we fought, you were always my loving mother in the end and I am so thankful for you. I look up to you so much mom. One of the main reasons I decided to become a hawkeye was because you are a hawkeye and following in your footsteps is one of the most exciting things I can flirt with in life. Dad was right the whole time. You and I are so similar. I only hope I can be half the woman you have shown me. You are incredible, you are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are driven, and you are my inspiring mother and I look forward to learning even more from you over the coming years. By the way-I cut/colored my hair like yours. Haha, the first thing a lot of my friends said was "wow you look exactly like your mom now!" It made me smile. I Love you. I appreciate you. Never forget that.

Dad-

Oh how much you've had to put up with. And oh how hard you have made me laugh over the years. I love watching home videos from the 90's because it proves how much satisfaction playing pranks on Jill, Jake, and I gave you. The first that comes to mind was when you convinced Jill to eat the worm we found when digging in the back yard. You had so much fun when mom wasn't around to scold you for laughing at our expense. Those videos are so precious. So dad. You're awesome. Do you know that? You may be weirder than most dads, but you are so awesome. Even through your "hawaiian button up tourist shirt paired with zipoff columbia shorts" stage (thank you Bret Stolp), you were still awesome. Embarrassing? Utterly! But so incredible. I cherish your life metaphors with everything in me. If I decide to have children of my own (sorry to disappoint, but that is unlikely), I will most definitely use the "life margins" metaphor when they hit their teens. Remember when you put that art table thing in my room when I was 12? You made it sound SO cool and you got me soooo excited about how I was the only kid my age with a legit art table of my own. Looking back you just needed a place to store it, so you did that at my expense. That must be the reason I broke it in half because I wanted it out of my room SO bad. I was so embarrassed about having that huge table in my room for no reason. Yes, now I wish I still had that table because I enjoy art, but then, I severely disliked you for it. Remember how you grounded me from going to the circus because I broke it? In my opinion, that was stupid. I was my BIRTHDAY and I ALWAYS go to the circus for my birthday, but you wouldn't let me because of a stupid art table. I still hold that against you just so you know. I think that might be the hardest I have ever cried. I will never again break anything as important as a table, I wouldn't want to get grounded from the circus again, it's too important to me! :) Thanks for that "life lesson." Remember when I brought Justin Duncan home for the first time and you were cleaning your guns on the kitchen table? Yeah, that was humiliating. Or the time Patrick came over and you were sharpening your biggest kitchen knives? Oh pappa, you are special with your tactics (they obviously worked cause those boys are long gone!). Remember the time you hit that squirrel on Umstead Road. Then you proceeded to pick up the fresh road kill and bring it home for dinner? It tasted like rubber, if I never gave you my honest opinion. Other than that moment, your cooking is and always will be incredible! I cherish every memory I have with you pops. Every fishmongers date, every walk, every deep conversation ending in me laughing at your metaphors, and every tear we shed together over nothing. I'm a daddy's girl. Now I'm growing up and I'm not really a "girl" anymore, but I will ALWAYS be your baby girl. Thank you for being my loyal friend for the past 19 years and the years to come. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, your baby I'll be. I love you. I appreciate you. Never forget that.

ps-you still owe me a mustang convertible and a jeep wrangler to make up for the van I was graced with in Utah.

_______________________________________

Thank you guys for being my parents. I am the luckiest girl in the entire world. I cannot wait for the years to come to enrich our relationships even more.

Love always and forever,

Paige Marie

Home Sweet Home

So I was walking downtown this evening contemplating what I want to do with my summer. What do I want to get out of the summer? How do I want to protect who I have become in college since I will be thrown back into my past? How will I handle being thrown back into my past? Most prevalent on my mind: Who do I want to spend my time with this summer? A few of my closest friends will be adventuring in far away lands and others will be planted back in Durham, NC-home sweet home.

I've calculated the time I've spent away from home and how long I will be away from home if I did decide to be adventurous and take off for another summer. If I go home this summer then I will have been away from home for a year with only one visit home that lasted over 3 days. If I don't go home this summer then I will go over 3 years without a substantial visit home. Last summer @ camp+1st academic year of college+another summer away from home+2nd academic year of college+summer of '11 in Iowa City (unless I sublease my apartment)=over 3 whole years without being really "home." It's safe to say that this coming summer is the last one I will be able to be home.

I've changed so much since last August when I packed my bags and headed for the real world. I know I will only keep changing and everyone who knew me for the first 18 years of my life will no longer have ample time to see who I have become.

Yes, some of my close friends from my childhood I doubt I will spend time with this summer because I have become someone I'm not sure they are capable of loving the same way anymore. I moved far away. And with that I became a confident woman of higher character than I held myself to, particularly in high school. I'm interested in things I never noticed growing up; things that most people don't find interesting until they are probably further into adulthood. I am interested in things that I don't believe many of my childhood friends will understand or appreciate. So how do I spend my time with people that won't understand the person I am evolving into? And if/when I do spend time with those people, how do I remain steadfast in who I am? I don't want any of them to think I don't cherish childhood friendships anymore. I don't want to be the stuck up one that came back from college on a pedestal. That is not me. But I have grown up. I don't share the same things they share any longer. I'm weird. I am so weird (Kristin Lassiter if you are reading this, I made that comment for you). I've accepted that I'm weird. I intrigue myself actually :)

So back to this summer. I've decided. I am going back to Durham, NC to be me while I can. It is going to be tough and at times I am going to absolutely loathe being stuck at home. My dad tells me I'll be restless after about 2 weeks; He's so right. But if I don't spend this summer with my family and the people who love me, then I will regret it down the road. Because after this summer I really will be moving towards developing my own life and living on my own (I'm living in my first apartment this fall...scary) so there won't be as much time to spend at home. I'm not saying I'll never see my family or friends in the future, but now is the last opportunity I may have to spend more than just a few weeks with them. My future summers will be spent abroad or interning in some random place; my autumns,winters, and springs for the next 3 years will be spent at the University of Iowa; if life goes as I foresee, the 2 years following undergrad will be spent in the Peace Corps; and following all of that madness will hopefully come grad school somewhere. Where do I fit substantial time in there to embrace my childhood home? Another lesson I am learning with time.

Basically, I need to come home this summer. I need to spend time with my wonderful family and my friends who I miss and cannot wait to get to know all over again. Yes, it will be boring at times, yes I'll be anxious come August when I'll be ready to move back to Iowa and live on my own, but yes, down the road, I will appreciate every second of the summer of 2010 spent at 122 Muirfield Ct in Durham, North Carolina-where millions of memories exist and many more are to come.