I've calculated the time I've spent away from home and how long I will be away from home if I did decide to be adventurous and take off for another summer. If I go home this summer then I will have been away from home for a year with only one visit home that lasted over 3 days. If I don't go home this summer then I will go over 3 years without a substantial visit home. Last summer @ camp+1st academic year of college+another summer away from home+2nd academic year of college+summer of '11 in Iowa City (unless I sublease my apartment)=over 3 whole years without being really "home." It's safe to say that this coming summer is the last one I will be able to be home.
I've changed so much since last August when I packed my bags and headed for the real world. I know I will only keep changing and everyone who knew me for the first 18 years of my life will no longer have ample time to see who I have become.
Yes, some of my close friends from my childhood I doubt I will spend time with this summer because I have become someone I'm not sure they are capable of loving the same way anymore. I moved far away. And with that I became a confident woman of higher character than I held myself to, particularly in high school. I'm interested in things I never noticed growing up; things that most people don't find interesting until they are probably further into adulthood. I am interested in things that I don't believe many of my childhood friends will understand or appreciate. So how do I spend my time with people that won't understand the person I am evolving into? And if/when I do spend time with those people, how do I remain steadfast in who I am? I don't want any of them to think I don't cherish childhood friendships anymore. I don't want to be the stuck up one that came back from college on a pedestal. That is not me. But I have grown up. I don't share the same things they share any longer. I'm weird. I am so weird (Kristin Lassiter if you are reading this, I made that comment for you). I've accepted that I'm weird. I intrigue myself actually :)
So back to this summer. I've decided. I am going back to Durham, NC to be me while I can. It is going to be tough and at times I am going to absolutely loathe being stuck at home. My dad tells me I'll be restless after about 2 weeks; He's so right. But if I don't spend this summer with my family and the people who love me, then I will regret it down the road. Because after this summer I really will be moving towards developing my own life and living on my own (I'm living in my first apartment this fall...scary) so there won't be as much time to spend at home. I'm not saying I'll never see my family or friends in the future, but now is the last opportunity I may have to spend more than just a few weeks with them. My future summers will be spent abroad or interning in some random place; my autumns,winters, and springs for the next 3 years will be spent at the University of Iowa; if life goes as I foresee, the 2 years following undergrad will be spent in the Peace Corps; and following all of that madness will hopefully come grad school somewhere. Where do I fit substantial time in there to embrace my childhood home? Another lesson I am learning with time.
Basically, I need to come home this summer. I need to spend time with my wonderful family and my friends who I miss and cannot wait to get to know all over again. Yes, it will be boring at times, yes I'll be anxious come August when I'll be ready to move back to Iowa and live on my own, but yes, down the road, I will appreciate every second of the summer of 2010 spent at 122 Muirfield Ct in Durham, North Carolina-where millions of memories exist and many more are to come.
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