The Temptation of Two

Have you ever wanted something that you knew you could never have? I know we all have experienced the frustration and suffering following being told "no" in some way, shape, or form. It's unbearable sometimes. In high school I went through a phase where I would bring home a new stray puppy every few weeks and repeatedly got the "we just can't handle another dog" response from my parents. I remember being so angry because all I wanted was to have this puppy all to myself. The puppies were all cute, cuddly, soft, fresh, and new in so many aspects. I imagined having this new jogging buddy, annoying at times, but devout best friend coming from this experience of adopting a puppy. The same applies to the feeling of getting a new car, a new pair of glasses, or any other object. There is some sort of connection between you and that thing that you just crave, and grave disappointment comes when you realize you can't have that puppy, car, or other thing because it simply just wouldn't work out. So many things play into the situation. Money, inconvenience, another person. It's unfair on so many levels. We all want what we can't have and there is something oh so tempting between you and that thing. That something makes you crave your "something" even more. We don't like to be told "no," so we fight harder. We push the pencil, beg the parents, make deals, etc., just to grasp that temptation. Then there comes the point when you just have to let go. No matter how difficult, you just have to let go. Eventually whatever you were tempted by will take the back seat and a new temptation will surface.

So how do you let go of another person? People don't take the back seat as simply as a car or puppy does. Those things dwindle out of your mind, but a person...not so much. The temptation of two human beings is more unbearable than any other temptation one can imagine. Sitting in front of someone, being so close, within reach, but then knowing that you cannot have that person, is one of the most difficult things to handle. And even more difficult to let go of. People stick around. You are constantly reminded of that temptation every time you run in to that person in an elevator, on a subway, or in the mall. The temptation itself may dwindle a bit, but once you see that person, the temptation returns with a vengeance. Now, you become stuck. That moment of sitting with that person, being so close, comes back and flirts with your memory over and over again. This causes the temptation to intensify. Now, you become really stuck; like the can't eat, can't sleep kind of stuck. You wonder when you will run in to that person again, and all the sudden you are consumed by this growing enticement you thought you had once conquered. Yet still, you know you cannot have that person. They may be tempted by another, it may not be morally right, or there may be distance. This makes the temptation magnify even more. You cannot have it, but you want it more than anything else. So now that you've gotten yourself in a pickle, what do you do? How hard are we supposed to fight? What is it worth?....because that temptation, that suffering, that ambiguity...it's not going anywhere.